Blogging the personal stuff
By AndrewBoyd • Oct 24th, 2007 • Category: About, Blogging tipsI haven’t posted a lot lately. Work has been busy, and, well, there’s been some personal stuff going on.
Over the last few months I’ve seen a lot of brave Australian Blogs Community members discuss some very personal things - mental issues, physical and emotional abuse they suffered as a child, the deaths of close relatives, car accidents, and relationship issues.
What I want to know is this: when is it OK to blog about the personal stuff? Being approachable is one of the number one ways to establish a personal connection to readers, so it makes good blogging sense (if you are genuine about it and genuinely want to hear about what other people have to say as well). But when is it OK to talk about it? Do you talk about things as they are happening such that the people who care about you know what you’re going through? What if the personal issue affects other people within your readership on a direct level - is it OK to talk about something to a wider audience if in doing so you hurt the person you least wish to hurt?
Interesting questions all. Watch this space for updates, but in the mean while, I would be grateful for your views.
AndrewBoyd is a consultant by day and blogger by night. He loves good food, good wine, and discussing faceted classification schemes with friends.
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Well first of all (and probably obviously) I think it depends on the premise of your blog. If you write about your life - the personal stuff has to come into it.
My dilemma is that sometimes I think of things I might want to comment on but I know that someone I like might be offended… say someone gives you a crap gift and you want to blog about how crap it was because you can think of a witty line… you probably wouldn’t because you wouldn’t want to seem ungrateful.
On the other hand sometimes I blog something personal because I want to get a message across to someone I know! Like how much do I hate picking up wet towels… see I don’t want to nag but the message is heard… well, read.
As for the really personal stuff, the rule of thumb I use is - would I be happy with the local paper printing my story. That’s usually fairly sobering.
When there is a likelihood of hurting someone, I think part of the answer lies in what that person would think if you asked them. If they said ‘yes, go for it, I know it will help you to get it out there’ that would be reasonable. If they said (or would likely say) ‘hell no, don’t you dare blog our personal life’ then that’s a pretty clear answer.
But the other side of the coin is that often our readers are our friends. And they care about us and are likely to wonder what is going on if we are quiet or the tone of our writing changes. It shouldn’t hurt to say, as you have here, that there is some personal stuff going on and things may be quiet or different. Friends will ask and give support.
At least, that’s been my experience with some recent personal stuff. I didn’t blog it (that was too confronting as my blog is still mainly business related) but did mention on twitter and facebook. And my friends asked me what was going on and offered support and help.
Hi Cellobella,
thank you for your comment.
This is the really personal stuff, and I would not be comfortable with it being in the local newspaper. That is a good marker - would you like everyone to know?
Best regards, Andrew
It’s interesting isn’t it, this dilemma we create for ourselves. On the one hand we love to write our blogs so that we do have an outlet for this stuff.
I used to also maintain a completely anonymous blog so that I could bare my soul so to speak. But in the end it just didn’t satisfy the reason I like blogging… and that I guess is because I want people and my friends, to know it’s my opinion.
Yes yes, even though I “hide” behind a moniker.
Hi Donna,
thank you for your comment.
Yes, where there is another person involved, you should always consider their feelings. I take your other point that the blogging experience is two way, and that the readers deserve to know something about what is happening.
Friends are a blessing - without them things would turn very tragic very swiftly. A facebook message from a beautiful friend prompted this post - she was concerned that I hadn’t blogged in a while and asked me why.
Best regards, Andrew
Hi Cellobella,
thank you for your second comment
I think that we need to be ourselves. I am multi-faceted and, like yourself, make no apology for having an opinion and expressing it honestly as myself.
Best regards, Andrew
Hi Andrew,
I forget that you have different blogs and one of your others is more on my radar. You normally post regularly and I noticed the absence of posts and was a bit concerned. It’s interesting how we make friends online and the different levels of that friendship (and whether it can be called that I guess). Anyway, I’m rambling - I don’t have an answer to the question. I don’t put anything very personal online but often admire people who do. So, as always, it depends.
Hope you’re ok
Hi Christine,
thank you for your comment and for your concern.
I consider online friendships to be very real and do appreciate yours.
Best regards, Andrew
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Hey, sorry about the late arrival but I have been flat out this last week or so.
There are times when it is ok to blog about personal stuff and times when it is not. I usually know inside whether it is ok or not - it is a difficult call.
Recently my parents had an employee make a “stress” workcover claim after she was caught letting customers leave without paying for stock. Boy did I want to blog about it. I wanted to blog about it when she left work in the middle of the day never to return. I wanted to blog about it when she dropped in when my parents were not around and stole a book of vital business telephone numbers, leaving them in a position that they could not get in touch with company representatives.
I wanted to blog about it when she was ordered to see a psychologist by Workcover. I wanted to blog about it when Workcover attended the workplace and interviewed *everyone*. I wanted to blog about it when her “stress” claim was denied. I wanted to blog about it when she tried to act like she could come back to work like nothing had happened.
I wanted to blog about the stress this put on everyone in the workplace, the anger she caused, the fact that not one of her fellow workmates supported her in her claim, the fact that my Dad did everything in his power to get her a job elsewhere simply because he knew it was a personality clash between the two of them and that she was unable to deal with the expectations of actually working for a living versus what went on here before he arrived, which was get paid for doing bugger all. I wanted to blog with glee when she did get that other job and resigned, leaving all of us much relieved.
No such post appeared. Now that it is all over I have considered posting about it but I figure the story is way too long and it could still have legal ramifications. So I keep off.
I think the majority of blog readers will be supportive and helpful when you blog about personal things. We’re human, not writing robots.
You just have to be 100% certain to cover yourself in case the subject of your blog happens to read it and recognise themselves.
Cheers,
Snoskred
One of my blogs is intensely personal and that has caused me some personal dramas with family members. But it was commenced as an oulet for me and it is about how I feel about things. I have not deliberately posted anything that is designed to be hurtful although there are some things that have apparently been misinterpreted. I now know that part of my readership are people who do know me personally, though they never comment and some who have been critical I think have told others about it’s existence. But to those who don’t like it, I say, use the TV remote, don’t watch what you don’t like.
Hi Snoskred,
thank you for your comment. This isn’t about a legal thing, and I take your point that it is a good case where blogging about personal stuff would not have been useful.
It is personal relationship stuff - and as such, I would think twice before blogging anything that might hurt the person concerned.
I do really like how everyone has been supportive - indeed, their support has helped me get through it.
Best regards, Andrew
Hi Loz,
thank you for your comment.
I spent a while working within the government so I always assume that someone is listening - a bit paranoid perhaps, but I write in the knowledge that my family and past/current/future partners will have access to google and thence whatever I say.
That said, I agree with you that we can only tell our stories as we see them, and that this might unintentionally hurt people we don’t mean to hurt.
Thanks once again,
Best regards, Andrew
I have two separate blogs - one for work related stuff at ruthellison.com and the other is a personal blog. This way I can blog about my personal stuff frequently (definitely more frequently than the ruthellison.com blog!).
Hi Ruth,
thank you for your comment.
I agree that the work blog/personal blog split is a very good idea.
My trouble is that I do not just have a work/life dichotomy - there is the blogging angle to consider
When you post every day for ages then stop, people worry.
Best regards, Andrew
I know this is late but I just wanted to put my two cents in. I blog personal stuff. All the time. It is like therapy to get it out there. I don’t blog about things that I know will hurt people and if I am angry and I need to vent (specifically about medical care), I usually don’t use names. I think blogging is personal, whether it be for work or, like me, for pleasure. How can it not be? Even if you are promoting a business, people like to know who they are dealing with.
My thoughts are nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Hi Tiffany,
thank you for your comment.
I agree 100% - blogging is always personal. Always. Being an approachable human being makes good blogging sense.
I think that we all seem to be settling on the “as long as it doesn’t hurt someone” rule. I think that in most cases this is a good one to live by. I can see some circumstances where it will be impossible (like child abuse) for someone to talk about it without upsetting other people - but these are probably the exceptions rather than the rule.
Best regards, Andrew
Well, I found that I had broken my own rule. I blogged my personal stuff then discovered that the person in question was not happy with it. I should have asked first.
Hi Donna,
thank you for your comment.
I think that sometimes the hurt is unavoidable - as I said in my reply to Tiffany, I think that there are some hurts that do not fade with age - i.e. there will never be a good time to discuss them. Similarly, with some people, there will always be a negative response, love them or no.
Best regards, Andrew
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